What Unites a Family
by ficdirectory
Summary: AU. Part 2 of the What Makes a Family series. The summer after Emily's family is complete, she takes Dave Rossi's advice and brings her family to spend time at his cabin. Features the rest of the team as kids/teenagers. WARNINGS: Post-Traumatic Stresss Disorder. NOW RATED M!
1. Bonding

**A/N: Hey, faithful readers of the What Makes a Family series! I know What Breaks a Family is still in progress. I haven't given up on it, but in the meantime, I couldn't get the littler versions of the characters out of my head. I thought perhaps a summer story would help. This is going to take place the summer after What Makes a family. It will be the second in the series. If you have not read What Makes a Family, feel free to do so! **

Emily breathed again. She couldn't seem to stop the spontaneous sighs of relief that came from her. This was her family. Two daughters and three sons. Two parents. A brother and an in-law, and a nephew. Not traditional, in the least, but they were hers.

It was completely by chance that the idea of taking a family vacation came about. As they were cleaning up the remnants of JJ's party - as she and the boys continued to play in the yard - Dave approached Emily with the idea.

"All together. Just like I promised them," he said, putting an arm around Emily's shoulder. "What do you say, we keep up it up?"

"David, I know that look in your eye," Carolyn warned playfully, as she gathered plates from tables nearby. "What are you planning?"

"Oh, it's already planned. All Emily has to do is say yes," he smiled.

"Yes, to what?" she asked, a little warily, while keeping an ear tuned to the kids, though Nathaniel was there, helping Matthew hold JJ's new bat and swing it in time to hit Derek's pitch.

"What I like to call, a little _family bonding_," he said, emphasizing the final two words. "Our cabin. Spring break. What do you say? You could bring all the kids and the boys could bring Matthew. We'd have a great time." Dave offered.

"Dave, have you thought about this? That's _six_ kids, from six to eighteen. Five adults. Living on top of each other. For a week."

"Yes," he confirmed. "What's the problem?"

"Space, first of all…" she explained. "Where would we stay?"

"Not a problem. We've got plenty of room. Beds, air mattresses, sleeping bags. Come on, Emily. I want to spend time together, as a unit. Will you think about it?"

Against her will, Emily had. Whenever she sat down to paint in the coming weeks, she found herself painting wooded areas and lots of nature instead of the gothic beauty of cathedrals or some creative interpretation of a newspaper headline. Finally, with summer approaching, she sat the kids down and talked about it with them.

"What would you guys say about spending part of the summer at Dave and Carolyn's cabin with Nate, Cary and Matthew?" she asked.

"_That_ sounds _excellent_," Spencer enthused from his place on Penelope's lap.

JJ eyed Aaron. "I'll go if you go," she said, clutching the necklace she wore protectively.

"I'll go," Aaron echoed.

"Derek? Penelope?" Emily asked.

"Oh. I didn't know I was included…" Penelope said, flustered.

"No one gets left behind or forgotten," Spencer chimed in from her lap, quoting from a Disney movie they had watched countless times together. _Lilo & Stitch _was a favorite for just that reason.

"I wanted to talk to all my kids," Emily insisted. "That includes you." She knew Penelope still felt like a bit of an outsider since she had stayed at the house for a few hours as a foster child, and then left and turned eighteen, before she could be adopted. "Derek?" she prompted.

"If everyone else is going…" he admitted softly. "I guess I'll go, too…"

Emily could read his apprehension. This was a kid who hadn't wanted to go Trick-or-Treating his first year with her because he was afraid of being dropped off at an unfamiliar house. She could imagine he had similar nerves now, which was why Emily carefully explained how they would all pack clothes, and things to occupy themselves, they would all travel together to the cabin and no one would be dropped off anywhere. They would leave together, and they would come back together.

Emily felt satisfied as she kissed everyone good night. As she heard all of them but Penelope saying "Night, Mom."

Together, they made a family. Now, Emily was determined to take Dave's advice and figure out how to unite them.


	2. Arrival

JJ couldn't wait to get where they were going. This trip was so lame anyway. It's not like she really wanted to go out into the wilderness anyway. It's not like she wanted to take the car trip in the first place. It made her feel like she was going to throw up. Not like normal car sickness, though. This felt like, _be careful or you might have to go back to your dad's_.

She wasn't stupid. JJ knew that she was a Prentiss now. She'd gotten adopted three months ago, just like her brothers had several months before her. But they seemed way farther along in the adjustment category. She did her best to block out everything and everyone because she couldn't handle everyone else's crap with her own. Just her luck, Penelope was driving separately. JJ would have liked to go with her. But their mom insisted that since Penelope's car didn't have air conditioning they all needed to ride with her. So, that's how she'd been stuck listening to Spencer, who was six, and pretty cute most of the time, exclaim over absolutely everything in excitement. Aaron and Derek - who were nine and fifteen - were both quiet and moody like JJ.

It was when they turned down a road that looked a little too similar to the one leading to her old house that JJ freaked out. Logically, she knew better. She was fourteen. Definitely old enough to realize what her mom said, she meant. If she said they were going to Dave and Carolyn's cabin, then that's where they were going. Still, it didn't stop the panic that rose in her chest. It didn't stop JJ from reaching for the door, intent on jumping from the SUV while it was moving if necessary. It didn't stop the air in there from getting too thin and making it hard to breathe.

She leaned over and pulled hard at the door handle but the child proof lock wouldn't allow it to budge. Tried to get her seatbelt off, but her hands were shaking too much to make it happen.

Vaguely, through the sound of blood rushing in her ears, JJ heard Spencer urging her not to throw up, because they were almost there.

"JJ," her mom said, glancing at her in the rearview mirror. "You're okay. We're almost there. Guys?" she said, speaking to all three of JJ's brothers at once. "One of you hold JJ's hand, all right? Tell her we're almost there. I need to drive."

Distantly, she was aware of Aaron's hand in her own. It was small and warm, but it didn't help. JJ still couldn't breathe right and her heart was beating too fast. When were they going to get off that damn road?

Aaron didn't take their mom's advice or tell JJ anything. He just sat silently, squeezing her hand. Derek was behind her, quiet as a ghost. Spencer, on the other hand, piped up with what he thought was a great idea.

"JJ, sometimes? JJ, _sometimes_?" Spencer repeated, in the annoying way he had when he thought no one was listening to him. "Sometimes!" he yelled, to be sure she heard him. "When my mother, the literature professor, was panicking, I'd sing to her! I have the perfect song to sing, okay? Are you ready?"

"Better not be anything by Bob Dylan, kid," Derek warned, knowing how much songs by that particular artist still made Spencer upset.

Spencer didn't wait for JJ to say anything. Instead, he burst into the chorus of Whitney Houston's _I Will Always Love You_, which had been on heavy rotation ever since her death, when JJ was eleven.

Hearing Spencer belt, and try for riffs was enough to snap JJ out of it, and fast. He sang so loud and his song choice was so random that JJ and everyone else burst out laughing. For his part, Spencer kept singing, doing his part to make sure JJ was okay until their mom pulled up in front of Dave and Carolyn's cabin.

* * *

What no one knew was that Derek was losing his shit just as bad as JJ. He just wasn't doing it so everybody knew. He figured his mom probably knew. His background - losing his parents at ten - and getting taken in by a family friend - who turned out to be the devil incarnate had been something awful. Going back after he'd found solace at Emily's had been worse. The thing was, now? Every time he got in a vehicle to go anywhere, when his mom was driving, he felt that familiar feeling. The feeling that he was going to be dropped off in his old life, just like before.

The fact that they were headed to a cabin wasn't helping things. See, there was a time in Derek's old life when that family friend had decided they needed to relocate in order to stay better under the radar. So he took Derek to this cabin he had. It was beautiful there. It looked just as inviting as this one. But that's where some of the worst things happened to Derek. Emily didn't know that part. No one knew. And Derek was determined to keep it that way - even though Anna - his psychologist - would probably tell him sharing stuff was better. Even just with her. But Derek didn't plan on telling anybody.

He checked on JJ on his way to the back of the SUV, grabbing all the luggage he could carry. That, after all, had been his responsibility before at the other cabin. It seemed to fit now, too, since he was the oldest boy. Though Aaron and Spencer each did their best to heft twice their body weights, and even though JJ and Emily were perfectly capable of carrying bags. Part of it was the family friend. But part of it was what his dad had instilled in him before Derek lost him.

"Chivalry isn't dead," he'd say. "It's alive and well, and you'll practice it. Treat the ladies in your life as if they're your mother, and those smaller than you like they're your own brothers and sisters."

Well, that made it easy. This _was_ his family. His real sister. His real brothers. And his real mom - even though she was Emily to him sometimes - when his place in things started feeling shaky. It was the reason he grabbed the bags and carried them all inside. It was the reason he held the door open again and again.

Derek glanced up, and found himself hoping, even through all his hopelessness. He hoped that somewhere, his dad could see him. He hoped that wherever his parents were, that Derek had made them proud.

* * *

Aaron stayed close to his mom. He would have stayed close to Dave, if he could have, but Dave was busy cooking some big supper. He liked to be alone when he did that, even though he was happy and sang songs about it. Derek was lying on the couch watching _The Food Network_ and JJ was outside with Spencer. Carolyn tried to talk to him about everything to make him feel comfortable, but it didn't work very well. Aaron was kind of nervous usually. Add in a new place that had a lot of dirt and Aaron was really sure he was going to stay inside for this whole vacation.

That wasn't the only thing that made Aaron nervous. JJ having a panic attack made him nervous. And before they even left, packing his clothes made him nervous. His mom steered him away from the garbage bags and had to keep reminding him that he wasn't leaving, they were going on a trip as a family. But it didn't help much.

Packing a bag always reminded him of leaving. People thought he didn't remember. People thought Spencer was the only one with too good a memory, but Aaron had a perfect memory for everything he wanted to forget.

"Honey, do you want to go play? Or explore with the kids?" his mom asked, squatting down to his level. Aaron wrapped his arms around her and laid his head on her shoulder. He wanted to be held. It was hard to be in a new place again, even if everyone else was here with him.

Lucky for him, his mom gave him a hug. She didn't push him away or anything he was most afraid of.

"It's a lot to take in, isn't it?" she said in a soft voice that made him feel calmer.

Aaron nodded against her.

"Well all you have to remember is this. I love you and I would never take you anywhere that wasn't safe."

"I remember when you told me that the first time," he said softly. "When I first came and we went to Dave and Carolyn's and I didn't trust police. Remember that? And Dave _was_ the police?" he offered Dave a smile that said he was sorry. But Dave just laughed and kept singing his favorite Italian song.

* * *

Spencer was running around so fast that it was hard for JJ to keep up with him. That made Spencer very proud, because JJ was such a fast runner. He had already told her numerous times that someday, if she practiced, she could run a marathon. Spencer promised to help her calculate the most efficient way for her to finish. He promised to be her coach.

He had already touched every tree JJ would let him touch, rolled in the grass, and tried out all the wooden chairs that sat in the grass. There was so much to see, though, Spencer felt like he couldn't possibly take it all in with the amount of time they were spending here. He glanced toward where the cars were parked and knew that Penelope, Nathaniel, Cary and Matthew had not arrived yet. Matthew needed lots of breaks, and Penelope found a stray cat on the way that she was trying to tame and bring with her, even though Spencer warned her that it could have rabies.

"Spence! Slow down!" JJ called from somewhere behind him. But he couldn't. Not when there were so many interesting things to look at. It registered belatedly, the nickname JJ gave him. It made Spencer smile. It was something special just between the two of them, the way Penelope called Aaron the president, even though Aaron couldn't legally _be_ the president.

Besides, Spencer had done the right thing already. Instead of running around like he wanted to when he first got outside, he made himself stop. He hadn't even asked JJ _why_ she had a panic attack or how it felt inside her body, even though he was very curious. He thought of his mom, and asked how JJ was feeling now and if his song made her feel better, if she knew, because he sang it, that he would always love her. It was a logical conclusion, but people weren't logical when they felt anxiety. Asking how JJ was feeling was called compassion, and he was learning about it. Spencer felt compassion inside, but showing it was still difficult, especially when there were so many more pressing things to experience. Like nature.

"JJ! I'm _so _glad I'm not afraid of the government anymore! Because, guess why?" But Spencer couldn't wait for her to think. "Because! Then I would be too distracted to enjoy how beautiful it is outside!"

"Yeah, I guess it is…" JJ agreed.

Just then, something else caught Spencer's attention. It was the biggest puddle he had ever seen. But no. That didn't seem right. He thought back to the Minnesota guidebook his mom bought just for him. Minnesota was called "the land of 10,000 lakes" so, it would make sense that…

"JJ!" he shrieked. "Is that a _lake_?" As usual, he didn't wait for JJ's response. Spencer simply took off. He ran across the grass, onto the strange narrow platform over the water, and right off the edge.

The depth and the temperature surprised him and before Spencer had a chance to think another thought, JJ was in the water, dragging him upright and yelling at him.

"What the hell were you doing?" JJ exclaimed. "You can't just run into a lake, Spencer! You didn't have a life-jacket on or anything! You could have drowned!"

Spencer choked and spit. The difference between saltwater and lake water had never been more apparent. Salt water tasted like salt. Lake water tasted like dirt. His clothes were wet and heavy. His glasses were missing. He was cold. And, Spencer realized belatedly, he was crying. Then, he was in his mom's arms.

Instead of feeling comforted, Spencer felt betrayed. With all the facts in the guidebook, and all his mom's knowledge, there were so many things Spencer didn't know. That the lake would be cold and deeper than Spencer ever thought. "Why didn't you tell me?" he accused through his tears. It took all his self control not to lash out and try to hurt her, so he used his words as much as he could. "Why didn't you get me a guidebook about _this lake_?"

It was then that Spencer's eyes fell on his bare arm, where something fat and black was attached to his skin. It was clearly alive and getting bigger. Spencer didn't think. He just started to scream.

Emily made quick work of disposing of the fat black leech on Spencer's arm. It was only just occurring to her that in his short, sheltered and strange life, Spencer might not have ever seen a leech. He certainly was unfamiliar with lakes. She should have been prepared for this, but Emily was expecting fear and timidity, not over stimulation and zealousness that the outdoors clearly caused.

"It's all right. Let's go inside," Emily soothed.

She closed her eyes.

This trip was going to be more than she bargained for.

**A/N: I had the prologue written a couple weeks ago, but wanted to see if the story would go anywhere in my head before I wrote more. Thanks so much for reading! Hope you enjoy the story!**


	3. Masks

Spencer hated the lake. He couldn't stop crying, or thinking that the unfamiliar black thing was still attached to him. He let his mom help him more than was necessary, finding him dry clothes and when Dave tried to intervene with a towel, Spencer screamed like some child, insisting that he wanted his mom to help him.

"That wasn't scientific of me at _all_," he wailed, as his mom pulled a white tee shirt over his head. She had sent JJ out to the lake to search for Spencer's glasses, since he was nearly blind without them. Thankfully, JJ had returned after a few minutes, holding his glasses up as if they were a trophy.

"It's all right, honey," his mom tried to reassure him.

However, it didn't help. His entire day was ruined because he had failed to think critically. Spencer's mind kept going back to the leeches - that's what Carolyn called them - he couldn't stop thinking about them. Imagined them covering him and sucking out all his blood.

"It's _not _all right! That was _not_ a sound decision! I'm losing objectivity!" Spencer insisted, his voice rising with each word.

"You're six, kiddo. You're supposed to be impulsive. I wouldn't advise running off the dock again without a life jacket and an adult present, but give yourself a break," Dave offered kindly.

Spencer, however, did not want kindness. He didn't deserve it. What had started out as the greatest day in his entire life - aside from the day he and his brothers were adopted, the day JJ was adopted, and the day when Aaron played knights with him - was quickly deteriorating. He wanted nothing to do with anyone. He didn't even want dinner.

Eating was not optional in this family, though, just like getting dressed. Therefore, he dragged himself sadly to the big kitchen, comforted for the first time in a while by all the brown. Spencer remembered when his mother, the literature professor's, paranoia informed the way he viewed everything, especially colors. Sometimes, when he was stressed, those old fears came back, but he wasn't afraid of brown. That was a good sign, too, because he was surrounded by it.

He sat down next to Derek, who wisely didn't say anything about Spencer's bad decision. JJ, though, couldn't seem to help herself. She looked him in the eye, over the fresh fish and fried potatoes and carrots, and somehow, before JJ even opened her mouth Spencer knew what she was going to do.

"_If I_…" JJ sang ironically, using her fork as a makeshift microphone.

Carolyn and Dave exchanged looks, and their mom sent one of warning in JJ's direction. JJ was singing the exact same song Spencer had performed for her earlier. He wanted to be mad, but he couldn't. JJ had a very nice, soothing voice. Moreover, when Derek joined in, followed by Aaron, Spencer figured there were worse things that could happen. If his family still loved him after he made a fool of himself, he should probably love himself.

Of course, Spencer couldn't help joining in on the chorus. It was his favorite thing ever to sing. In the world.

* * *

Derek wouldn't admit out loud to anyone, but he was glad as hell when Penelope got there. She was like his older sister, and he loved hanging out with her. They teased each other, and she balanced out his sadness with her joy. Like, when she busted down the cabin door and started taking over where all of them left off, giving Houston a run for her money…if Whitney sang Broadway show tunes…which she most certainly did not. Penelope had a way, though, of making absolutely everything her own. Even the tiny, peach-colored kitten she carried inside.

"Family, meet Peaches. Peaches? The family," Penelope introduced, holding the kitten out so everyone could make its acquaintance.

"Penelope, you can't just take in a stray cat off the street on a road trip. What if it has a disease? Or an owner missing it?" Emily asked.

"Isn't that exactly how The President says you came to acquire a certain black cat named Sergio?" she asked rhetorically.

"Yeah, and you took _us_ in," Aaron pointed out. "So it's pretty much the same thing. Are you gonna keep it, Penelope?"

"Not exactly the same thing, buddy," Emily told Aaron.

"Well, how's it different?" Derek asked. Part of him really wanted to know, while the other part was just feeling confrontational. "You took Sergio in. Why can't Penelope have Nectarine?" He knew the cat's name; it was just a matter of keeping the mood light enough so they didn't end up in an argument. The thought of any kind of consequence or reprimand made Derek's mouth go dry and his palms sweaty.

Memories of darkness, of hands and of pain invaded his consciousness, and he had to swallow a few times to be sure none of his dinner came back up. He was coping, for now, but just barely. All he needed now was a spark, and he would lose it. He would shut down and he didn't know if anyone could get him back from wherever he ended up. Derek knew Emily was strong enough, but that was assuming Derek would let her anywhere near him when the time came.

"Peaches is welcome if she's been cleared by a vet," Carolyn announced. "How's that for a compromise?"

"Lucky for all of you that is where we just came from, and she is in perfect physical health. Just a little terrified," Penelope said, petting the kitten gently. "So, no rough stuff, okay. She's afraid."

Derek figured she added it a second time for all of their benefits, but all he could think was, _welcome to the club_.

"I can take her," he offered, "if you wanna get something to eat. Thanks for dinner, Dave. Can I please be excused?" he asked, preferring to risk being too polite rather than not polite enough.

Penelope gently handed the kitten over to Derek, who sat down with it on the couch, prepared to watch hours of _Cupcake Wars, Diners Drive-Ins and Dives and Man vs. Food_. Anything to put out of his head the fact that deep down, he was just as scared as Peaches. It had been years. He'd first come to Emily's at twelve, and he'd left a year later to spare JJ the same heartache he'd experienced.

He hoped he could make it through this.

* * *

There was something about this place that gave JJ the creeps. Yes, it was huge, beautiful, and modern, but she couldn't help feeling boxed in. Maybe it was the road that reminded her of going home that they'd driven down on the way here. Or maybe it was the fact that her favorite activity from the time she could remember as a child was camping. It was something she and Janet had actually liked doing together. Sleeping in a tent. Sharing a sleeping bag, when JJ was really young.

This was the first time JJ would ever go camping without Janet. And, no, it wasn't the same as roughing it in the woods, but it was as close as JJ wanted to get. Even surrounded by all of these people, she found herself feeling isolated. Instead of reverting to her klepto ways, JJ clutched the necklace she wore. Janet's necklace that Penelope had mysteriously gotten a hold of when she "did a thing." It was better to hang onto that than to fall into the trap of stealing things again. Once she started, it was so hard to stop. But it was hard not to start when JJ didn't feel like there was anyone she could talk to. Aaron was plastered to their mom's side. Penelope and Derek were acting like the kitten's mom and dad. Carolyn and Dave were already nice enough to let a billion people stay at their cabin, JJ wasn't about to show her appreciation by telling them that being here sucked. That left Spencer, and he was six, so that ruled him out. She kind of wished Nate and Cary were here. She might have talked to one of them, if they were here. So far, though, it looked like they wouldn't be getting here until at least the following day.

She tried to focus when Dave and Carolyn insisted they all play a board game. Like, tried to focus on actually playing instead of pocketing the pieces. It was a tough job. Monopoly was Dave's favorite game of all time, and he kept trying to get on Boardwalk and Park Place, while Aaron seemed too preoccupied by the presence of a jail, and Spencer was entirely distracted by Peaches. Sergio had been left in the care of neighbors. If JJ had known Penelope was getting a cat, she would have insisted to their mom that Sergio be allowed to come, too.

She sighed. This wasn't fair. She missed Janet. She missed her stupid parents even though the obviously didn't give a shit about her. This was exactly the kind of thing they'd be doing if she were in her old family. Except her mom would be coming up with weird concoctions to make instead of s'mores over the campfire. She, Janet, and their dad would play rounds of Dominoes and anything that JJ could participate in at a young age.

Once upon a time, JJ might have made a scene. She might have gotten up and left the table, but now she just didn't have the energy. She watched as Dave, Carolyn and her mom laughed and talked. As Penelope, Derek and Spencer talked on and on about the dumb kitten. She locked eyes with Aaron.

He seemed to be the only person who might get what this was like for her. He looked just as sad as she did.

Well, at least that helped, a little. Knowing she wasn't alone.

* * *

That night, Aaron lay awake in the dark, beside Spencer on the air mattress. His red tee shirt and blue boxer shorts felt too hot and Spencer moved too much. Aaron hated sharing space with his little brother. But he was not an adult, so he didn't get a bed. Neither did any of the kids. Well, just for tonight, since Nate, Cary and Matthew weren't here yet, Penelope and JJ were sharing the bed in the one spare bedroom. Their mom said it was because they were ladies and ladies needed privacy for things. Derek slept on the couch in the living room. Aaron wondered what he had done wrong that he didn't deserve to have privacy like his sisters?

Dave and Carolyn were sleeping in their very own room. His mom was in the last room. Aaron looked through the vertical bars that reminded him of the jail in Monopoly. Really, it was just the leftover stair railing to keep him and Spencer from falling down into the kitchen. Aaron had a good view of everything from here. Everyone was sleeping. Everyone but him.

That's because sleeping on the floor reminded him. It reminded him of his life before he came to live with his mom and his brothers and sisters. He used to not get a bed then either.

Quietly, he got up and walked to the bathroom. He closed the door behind himself softly so he didn't wake anyone up. Then he turned the lock. It was the closest he could come to before. He curled up on the floor, grateful it was cold and not super hot like it was outside. Aaron tried to sleep, but inside his mind he thought about fences and dirt and other bad things that made his stomach hurt. He jerked awake after a few seconds and jumped to his feet. He thought he heard someone coming. Just to be safe, he'd better be standing.

Just in case.

Tears came to Aaron's eyes, but he didn't let them fall.

He didn't want to be in any more trouble.

**A/N: Oh gosh, kids! I think every one of them needs to open up about their demons. Thank you to all of you who are reading this, and who love these characters as much as I do! Thanks so much to your feedback! Glad to see so many of you who are new - and those of you who have been there since What Makes a Family! **


	4. Fireworks

By the next morning, Aaron's legs were shaking, but he made himself keep standing. He made himself stay awake. When someone turned the handle on the bathroom door, Aaron's whole body tensed. He was determined to stay still and not say a word. He remembered how this went. It hadn't been that long since he was with his biological parents. If he messed up - if he moved or spoke - Aaron didn't want to think about what would happen then.

"Anybody in there?" Dave's voice called from outside the door.

Aaron gulped and didn't answer. Outside the door, Aaron heard footsteps. Dave was walking away. But they came right back and the weak lock on the bathroom door popped open. Aaron stared straight ahead.

"Hey. Aaron. What are you doing in here, kiddo?" Dave asked gently.

He didn't answer. He was waiting. Hoping Dave didn't get any closer to him.

But Dave just called over his shoulder. "Emily? Up and at 'em. You've got a situation here."

Aaron went away inside himself. He could sort of hear his mom and Dave talking. And when his mom came closer to him, Aaron snapped to attention.

"Oh, buddy…" she said, like she was disappointed.

When she touched Aaron, he just knew. He kept his eyes straight ahead, and was surprised when his mom led him to her room instead of outside. But Aaron knew better than to say anything. He stood in front of her, his face blank.

He thought he was ready. But when she pulled him into her arms, he fought, not recognizing the hug for what it was. He wasn't ready at all. Not for this. Not for what punishment he was sure was coming next.

* * *

"Aaron, listen to me. It's Mommy. It's _Emily_, honey. Can you hear me? You're safe here. You aren't in any trouble."

It was seven o'clock in the morning, if Emily hadn't been awake five minutes ago, she was now. Seeing her first little boy standing, expressionless, in the bathroom was a sign that he was most definitely not okay. It was a sign that things were so bad for him that he thought he had to resort to an existence where he was confined, abused, neglected and starved.

Two-and-a-half years with her, and Aaron had grown stronger physically. Emily was horrified when he broke away from her and ran.

Emily rose as calmly as she could, her mind racing. If she chased him, it would only escalate his panic. However, she had no idea where he would end up if he left the cabin. So she thought fast, tapping on the door of the room JJ and Penelope shared.

"JJ, honey, I need you," she called urgently.

Aaron and JJ were close because JJ had quickly made herself an ally for Aaron. She was his protector and someone he always trusted, even if he couldn't trust Emily.

When she appeared at the door, her hair a mess and blue summer pajamas rumpled, Emily simply said "Aaron," and JJ understood. She took off down the stairs to the main level of the cabin, where her brother was darting around, unsure of where to go - of where was safe.

* * *

"Aaron, it's JJ. Look at me, okay? Can you see it's me?" she asked, praying that he could. This was freaking her out. It made her think of a time when she'd been in trouble for stealing and he had disappeared while she was being read the riot act. JJ had found him hiding under the basement stairs in some kind of storage container. It had been terrifying.

She was walking slowly towards him, aware that his brown eyes were still locked on hers. Aware that his whole body was shaking.

"Whatever it is, I'll protect you, okay? I promise. I'm a big sister. It's what we do."

JJ could hear Dave making breakfast and Carolyn setting the table. She felt Derek sitting up on the couch without actually seeing him do it. Somewhere above her head, Spencer was asking what was going on. Penelope was peering over the balcony.

"We have to go," Aaron insisted, his voice low and hoarse with panic. "Right now, JJ!"

"Where?" she asked softly, squatting in front of him and taking his hands. They were clammy and she felt so bad for him. JJ knew this feeling. Hadn't she just felt it yesterday?

"Away, okay? We just have to get away before it's too late," he whispered. "I'm in trouble and they're gonna make me go outside and I don't want to do that. Please," he begged.

JJ took a deep breath. She couldn't fall apart, not when he needed her. It was weird, but the only thing that came to her mind in that moment was a technique she'd learned when she had to see a shrink after all the crap with her biological family. In those sessions, sometimes, she'd think about the worst moments with them, and the shrink would help her through it. JJ wasn't a shrink and she sure as hell didn't want to be one, but she wanted to help her little brother.

She turned his body gently, so he was facing the kitchen. She could clearly see the view he would have. Carolyn and Dave calmly going about their day. She spoke quietly into his ear, not teasing him at all, but totally serious.

"You trust me, right?" she asked softly and watched as he nodded stiffly. "I want you to take a deep breath. A slow one. Good. Now tell me who you see there," she whispered into his ear.

"Carolyn," he rasped.

"What's she doing?" JJ prompted.

"Setting the table?" Aaron filled in hesitantly.

"Now look at how she's moving. Is she tense or relaxed?"

"…Relaxed?" Aaron said, like he was honestly guessing and couldn't know for sure.

"Now look at her face. Does she look upset with you?"

"…No…" he admitted quietly.

JJ patiently brought him to each person and repeated the process. She had him pay attention to how his feet felt on the floor. To touch things he was walking by and tell her how they felt. By the time they got to their mom on the balcony, and JJ urged him to really look at her - to see her face, her behavior, and her expression - Aaron was calmer.

Sitting nearby in a chair, JJ watched as her mom sank to her knees in front of him. "Honey, why were you in the bathroom? Can you tell me?" she asked, keeping her voice level in the way she was really good at.

"Because you said only the girls get a bed," he said, looking away from her. "And I didn't used to have a bed…so…" he trailed off.

JJ lost whatever their mom said next because Spencer was awake and crawled into her lap. "Was that a flashback?" he asked, sounding intrigued. "It was so interesting…"

"Sshh…" JJ hushed him. "You know how you used to feel when you thought people were watching you? That wasn't really happening, was it?" she asked, because the last thing JJ wanted was Spencer panicking, too.

"No," he told her matter-of-factly. "But it felt true."

"Exactly. So, what happened to Aaron wasn't true either. He wasn't really in danger, was he?" JJ asked. "But it _felt true_ to him. So we need to remember that, don't we?"

Spencer squinted, inquisitively. "Is this about compassion again? Like I was compassionate when you had your panic attack?"

"Yeah," JJ admitted, a little embarrassed. "Like that."

"I'm getting really good at compassion," Spencer enthused. "Watch!" He scooted of JJ's lap and walked up to Aaron, who was still talking to their mom. Of course, Spencer being Spencer, didn't notice that he was interrupting. "Aaron, are you okay?" he asked, turning to face JJ for approval.

"Spencer, I'm talking to Aaron," their mom corrected gently. "If you'd like to talk to him, say 'excuse me' and then wait, please."

Sighing, he walked past them down the stairs, but JJ smiled to herself as she watched Spencer ask Penelope, Derek, Dave and Carolyn, if they were okay, and if there was anything he could do to make them feel better.

* * *

Derek felt like a shadow. After watching all three of his siblings lose it in less than twenty-four hours made him feel more sure than ever that he was gonna keep it together. Emily didn't need anymore issues. After Aaron's moment this morning, he was asleep in the bed Emily had used.

The rest of them were supposed to be quiet, which wouldn't have been a problem except that Spencer remembered for about half a second and then exclaimed loudly that it was the Fourth of July and that meant celebrating America!

"Does anybody want to hear me recite the Declaration of Independence?" he asked.

"Sure," Penelope answered, "But, hey! Here's an idea! What do you say we go outside to say it? I think something so important is meant to be said out in the open, don't you?" she asked rhetorically, holding out a hand.

"You're absolutely right! But we don't have to go by the lake, do we? Because, you know, I fell in yesterday…" he said, for the millionth time.

"What's the rule?" Emily called softly.

"No adult, no swimsuit, no lifejacket, no swimming," Spencer recited. Then, he studied his tiny pale body. "I have an adult. But no swimsuit and no lifejacket," he smiled slowly. "So I _can't _go swimming in the lake! That's wonderful news, because I don't want to ever again."

The door shut behind them, and Derek could hear the kid loudly reciting the first few words of the Declaration of Independence proudly. For a few hours, it was peaceful. Derek sat with Penelope's cat, who had taken a liking to him. He and Dave watched an old John Wayne movie marathon. JJ, Carolyn and Emily were in the kitchen making Fourth of July cake. Aaron woke up hours later, crabby and clingy with Emily. Derek would have liked to hang out with Penelope but she was still outside with Spencer.

Oh, well. Derek would rather be bored than terrified. So he'd take what he could get.

Hours later, he wished he could be back in the cabin. It was a crazy thought, but the only thing worse than being in there, was being out on the lake, on a boat with fireworks exploding overhead like gunshots.

Derek hadn't seen fireworks since he the summer he turned ten. He hadn't even thought about it, actually, when everyone got all excited and ready to go out on Dave's boat. But when the first one boomed and lit up the sky, Derek jumped, while all around him, his family was clapping at the spectacle.

Spencer was asking Dave and Carolyn a million questions about how fireworks worked. Emily was keeping an eye on Aaron, who refused to move from her lap. Penelope and JJ were laughing about something or another. And Derek was here. Listening as the sky thundered. Remembering the day five years ago when his parents hid him but died in a hail of bullets that sounded an awful lot like this.

Derek winced, not even bothering to look up, when all of a sudden, he felt a hand in his.

He couldn't help smiling just a little when she leaned into him and then away. Suddenly, she was on her feet with her hand over her heart, belting out the words to the Star Spangled Banner to drown out the noise.

And Derek couldn't do anything but stare in awe at his sister, dressed crazily in a red white and blue dress with a decorative miniature flag poking out of her hair. She was the only person he knew who went so got so into celebrating a day Derek would have forgotten altogether. And he wondered how she always knew exactly what to do and exactly what he needed.

He guessed that was what family was all about.

**A/N: Here's chapter 4! Thanks to everybody who's reading and reviewing! Don't be afraid to let me know what you think!**


	5. Duck

When Penelope took Derek's hand on the boat, it helped a little. When she stood and sang the National Anthem, it made him smile, but only for a second. When the fireworks stopped, it was a relief. Finally, Dave docked the boat and Derek carried Spencer - who had fallen asleep - into the cabin and tucked him in on the air mattress outside Emily's door.

"Hey, Derek," Penelope whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Come here," she encouraged, taking his hand and pulling him back outside.

Hesitantly, Derek looked around. Emily was still dealing with Aaron. She wouldn't miss them. At least not right away.

It was dark, and a little chilly. Not like the weather in Virginia at all. Derek shivered. He wished Penelope would hurry up and just say whatever the hell she had to say, but she was just staring at him.

"What?" he snapped.

"Are you okay?" she asked quietly.

"What kind of question is that?" he asked bitterly.

"An honest one," she shot back, unafraid.

"I hate fireworks," he admitted, grudgingly, digging the toe of one tennis shoe into the dirt.

"I gathered that. And?"

"And nothin'. That's it," he insisted, looking away from her. He was grateful for the darkness.

"Derek, you don't _have to_, but you can talk to me…if you want…" Penelope offered gently.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks," he said quietly, walking back inside.

* * *

"Mom, I'm fine. I don't need you to watch me," Aaron insisted, glaring, from beside the bathroom sink.

"I'm not watching you," Emily maintained calmly. "I _am_, however, going to stand out here and knock in a couple minutes and if you don't respond, I'm coming to get you. Understand?" she asked softly.

"Yes, ma'am," he sulked, out of habit, not because Emily required it.

It was difficult to know exactly how to proceed in instances like these. Though she'd weathered many bad days with her kids, they never got any easier, and unfortunately, there was not a manual. For a child like Aaron, Emily wished there were such thing. He deserved to know that he was not going to be subjected to the kinds of things he feared, just because his environment changed.

"Aaron?" Emily called. "How are you doing?" She worded it this way on purpose, wanting to know _how _he was instead of _what _he was doing.

"Fine," he sighed.

"Fine isn't a feeling, buddy," she reminded gently.

"Is _irritated_?" Aaron's voice shot back from behind the door, reminding Emily that her son was mere years away from being a teenager.

She suppressed a smile. "Yes, that works. I can tell I'm bothering you and I'm sorry about that, but I don't want you getting lost in your head." She paused briefly. "You know the door is shut now for your privacy, not punishment, right?"

"Yes, ma'am…" Aaron answered, his voice muffled by a toothbrush. The tone, though, was slightly hesitant.

"Since you're brushing your teeth, I'm going to open the door, and I'm going to keep it open so you can see what's going on out here, okay?" Emily asked rhetorically, grateful when her son was calmly brushing his teeth, not standing in the middle of the bathroom like a statue.

When he was finished, Emily took his hand, surprised when he tried to pull away and lunge his thin body toward the air mattress where Spencer slept, oblivious to the noise around him.

"Leave me alone, okay? Please. I'm sorry I made a big deal this morning. I won't do that again." Aaron insisted louder than he meant to.

Emily heard JJ's bedroom door open just then, and was relieved. She tipped her own chin toward the room Emily had slept in the previous night. JJ fell into step on the other side of Aaron.

"You're not sleeping with Spencer," Emily told him evenly.

"That's my place," Aaron returned, narrowing his eyes. "That's what you said, remember?"

"I said that's where you'd sleep as long as you felt safe being there. Clearly, you don't. So, we're changing things around. I can see you're bothered by that and I know you're very tired. Try to listen to me, okay?"

Emily watched as Aaron drew closer to JJ and watched suspiciously.

"You're sleeping in here now. In the _bed_ in here," Emily specified in case it wasn't clear.

"No," he said, tipping his chin defiantly.

Emily's head spun. He had gone from clingy to this in a matter of a few minutes. She wasn't sure what to make of it. "Honey," she tried. "I'm the mom, remember? It's my job to make sure you're okay and feel safe. You're the child."

"Yeah, I'm the child, so I don't get a choice, right? Yeah, I know! You're talking about me like I have _problems_!" he said, and it was then, Emily saw the tears in his eyes.

"You always have a choice," Emily reassured him. "You can choose to argue or you can choose to trust that I'm doing what's best for you right now."

Aaron remained stubbornly silent. Emily was careful not to break eye contact with him. Then, JJ spoke.

Emily admired - not for the first time - the way JJ had with Aaron. How she was not only calm but also seemed to understand him. JJ could take his hands without him pulling away. Could say the exact same things she would have, but if they came from JJ, Aaron would listen.

"Aaron," JJ said quietly, "_all of us _have problems. Okay? You know I do. So does Spence. So does Derek. So does Penelope," JJ slid a humorous look in Emily's direction. "And Mom _obviously_ does," she said, "I mean, why else would she adopt all of us, and pretty much adopt Penelope, when she didn't have to? No normal person would do that…"

"I don't care! And I don't want to listen to you!" Aaron exclaimed.

* * *

Little did Derek know, Penelope wasn't even close to being done with him. Unfortunately, though, she was distracted by some kind of commotion going on in the cabin. The President, it seemed, was having some trouble adjusting to his new location. Trouble that was manifesting itself in a rare showing of his temper. Derek was busy relocating Spencer in the room she shared with JJ. He brought Peaches, too, to keep Spencer company. Penelope wondered if Dave or Carolyn - who were calmly reading the paper - noticed that Derek stayed put and didn't take up his usual residence on their living room couch.

It wasn't beyond Penelope - the scope of the issues surrounding her - in fact, if Aaron was the president, she often thought of herself as the secretary. Penelope had it on good authority that secretaries knew scads of things they were supposed to pretend they didn't know. It was amazing how much she could pick up on, simply by listening and observing. Of course, her purpose wasn't solely to spy on those around her. If Penelope had learned anything through the heartache of losing her own parents just before she turned eighteen - and her downward spiral after that - it was how important it was to act. In the ensuing months after losing her mom and dad, plenty of people had said they cared. They'd sent cards. They'd gone to the funeral. But not one of those people offered to take Penelope in. None except Emily, who had been a perfect stranger then.

Penelope's exceptional observational skills, coupled with her total geek factor and love of all things computer-related, Penelope knew things about her honorary brothers and sister that she probably was not supposed to know. For example, she knew Aaron reverted to standing in bathrooms at odd hours was leftover from his horrific childhood, when his monster parents hurt the hell out of him, and made him spend most of his young life caged and contained in a spare restroom.

If she had anything to say about it, Penelope was doing to make damn sure that Aaron knew he didn't have to do that here. So, she went to work, digging through her luggage until she withdrew her collection of markers and paper. Then, she did a deliberate walk-through of the cabin, and located just the item she needed.

A few minutes later, and Penelope had everything she needed. She hung the item - an oven mitt in the shape of a duck - on the outer handle of the bathroom. To the door itself, she taped the new decree, at Aaron's height, so he would be sure to see it. It read, in rainbow print:

_TO THE PRESIDENT (AARON):_

_A MESSAGE FROM YOUR LOYAL SUBJECTS - A.K.A. YOUR FAMILY - WHO LOVE THE CRAP OUT OF YOU - THIS LOCATION IS NOT MEANT FOR EXTENDED STAY. SO COME AND GO FREELY. _

_WITH LOVE, _

_DAVE, CAROLYN, PENELOPE, DEREK, JJ, SPENCER, NATHANIEL, CARY & MATTHEW. _

Penelope hoped that the note itself would stop Aaron short, but if not, that was what the duck was for. Something to catch his attention. Something to make him smile. Something to cause him to take note of his surroundings before he went in.

She hoped it would work.

* * *

JJ hoped to God that Aaron would run out of steam soon. She knew he was feeling crazy right now, but she was exhausted. Her morning had started with corralling him, and she definitely did not want her evening ending up that way, too.

In the end, she and her mom agreed with their eyes that JJ should sleep in here with Aaron. She had slipped out, hoping that Aaron would calm down with just JJ there, but so far it wasn't working.

"Just let me sleep where I'm supposed to!" he exclaimed, going for the door again.

JJ knew better than to block the door itself - that would freak him out even more - so she had to resort to catching him and bringing him back to bed. "Where are you supposed to sleep?" she asked.

"I don't know!" he admitted, struggling in her arms.

"Hey," she said quietly, turning him slightly so he was looking at her. "It's JJ. You know that, right?"

"Yes! Stop acting like I'm crazy!" Aaron insisted, still fighting.

JJ bit her lip, to stop herself from pointing out that Aaron _was_ acting kind of crazy right now. Instead, she held him a little more firmly - his back against her chest - and rocked back and forth a little. She wasn't a mom, but she'd spent the last few months watching a great one. JJ took cues from their own mom on how to handle Aaron. She stayed calm and forced herself to stay awake, even though it had been a couple hours since they came in from fireworks. JJ knew if she was tired, Aaron must have been beyond exhausted. If JJ didn't viscerally recognize the fear underneath her brother's defiance, she might have given up a long time ago.

"I'm not gonna leave. I promise. I'm gonna protect you, remember?" she whispered, so he would have to quiet down to hear her.

"I have to go pee," he said, and this time, she heard the fear in his voice.

"Okay. But you're not staying in there, and you won't be alone," JJ insisted. Unlike their mom, JJ had no problem standing with her back turned while Aaron did what he came to do. She didn't trust him to feel safe behind a closed bathroom door at this point.

"Piggyback ride?" he asked. "Please? I'm sorry for being so mean…"

"Hop on," JJ replied, smiling.

She stopped short at the door to the bathroom, letting Aaron get down.

"What _is _that?" Aaron asked, smiling for the first time in hours at the funny duck mitt on the handle of the bathroom door.

"I don't know. Read the special message and maybe you'll find out," JJ yawned.

She watched as he seriously read the note - obviously written by Penelope - wiggling all the while. Finally, he calmly closed a hand around the duck, to open the door and waited, holding the door for JJ.

Inside, JJ turned her back immediately - and was faced with more of Penelope's handiwork.

_TO AARON,_

_PLEASE COME OUT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. I MISS YOU._

_LOVE,_

_THE DUCK_

"That was a funny note from Penelope, wasn't it?" Aaron asked, minutes later. Now - finally - they were tucked in the same bed. Finally, Aaron seemed calm.

"Yeah, it was. Do you believe it?" JJ wondered, trying to stay awake.

"I think we should take it home with us," Aaron said, snuggling deeper under the covers.

"Works for me," JJ smiled, and threw an arm across Aaron's chest. "Night."

"Night, JJ."

**A/N: Hey, guys! Hope this chapter was worth the wait! I totally agree with those of you who thought Aaron's freakout ended too abruptly in the last chapter. Hope the follow-up was sufficient. I know I enjoyed writing it - especially Penelope's solution! Feel free to let me know your thoughts! I love hearing from you guys! And thanks for reading!**


	6. Effort

When Derek heard the knock on the cabin door at six in the morning, he jerked upright. He was glad to have fallen asleep in his clothes from the day before, because the last thing he wanted was for whoever was at the door to see him in anything less. It set his nerves on edge, even though he could hear Matthew and Cary talking on the other side of the door. Nathaniel had a naturally quieter voice, so he couldn't be heard as easily. Derek knew he was there, though.

He might have gotten up and let them in, only this wasn't his place. If Dave and Carolyn wanted them to come in, he would have let them in. Then again, they _did_ invite the Barrett-Mackeys. So, he supposed it would follow that they'd want them to come in.

Before Derek could move, though, the door swung open. He was on his feet in an instant, his heart racing. Even though he knew who it was, the thought of people just walking in from outside still set him on edge. He never forgot about that very thing happening five years ago, at a bank, and losing his parents because of it. So, now, he was ready to defend the place and his family. He _is_ the man, after all. Probably the strongest, except for maybe Dave. But he was getting kind of old.

"Hey, Derek, sorry we scared you," Nathaniel apologized softly.

"I'm not scared," Derek denied, even as his voice cracked, betraying him. "Can I help you guys?"

"I think we got it," Cary reassured with a tired smile. "How are you, buddy?" he asked, extending a hand to Derek.

Derek eyed it for a moment too long. Then, he forced himself to take it, and swallowed convulsively. He couldn't handle touching anyone, even in the most casual way right now. "I'm great," he answered, forcing a smile. "How are you guys? Matthew, you're getting big," Derek said, to change the subject. He looked at their son, who was Aaron's age, and a good head taller than him already.

"We're going camping," Matthew said, his dark eyes bright with excitement. His voice, though, was flat and emotionless. "But not in a tent outside. Inside, in this cabin. Can we go fishing now?" he asked a little too loudly.

"You need to talk quietly because people are sleeping," Cary reminded.

"Are they here?" Matthew asked, ignoring his dad's direction.

"Is who here?" Derek pressed.

"Them. The boys," Matthew replied, his emotion stilted.

"Yeah, they're here, but they're asleep," Derek repeated.

"No, we're not!" Spencer called looking over the balcony, a big smile on his face. He hurried down the stairs to embrace all the visitors, who were the same to him as uncles and a cousin. While, to Derek, today, they might as well have been strangers.

There was no point in get Matthew and Spencer to quiet down. Soon, Dave and Carolyn were awake, then Emily, Penelope and Aaron. JJ, somehow, managed to sleep through it.

Derek set himself apart and found Peaches. He watched more Food Network, figuring he'd be an expert on cooking by the time he left here. TV wasn't something he watched a lot of because Emily didn't have one. Dave didn't allow the channel to be turned by anyone who wasn't 'authorized.' Derek was pretty sure it was because Dave and Carolyn had all kinds of extra channels and no parental controls on them, since they were grown people, who didn't need them. Derek had explored those extra channels last night after everyone went to bed. There wasn't anything he was used to watching in the other cabin, but tamer stuff that made his skin crawl all the same.

"Derek, you want to wake JJ and let her know it's time to eat?" Emily called.

"If she's not up now, what makes you think she'll listen to me?" Derek mumbled, but he climbed the stairs - kitten still in his arms - to wake his sister.

He tapped on the door. No response.

"Hey," he called, cracking it open. "Breakfast. Cary, Nate and Matthew are here, too," he said softly.

"Go away," JJ said, her voice muffled by her pillow.

Derek bit his lip and smiled a little, setting Peaches down by JJ's head. Just like he hoped, the cat started meowing.

"Jeez, Derek, do you have any clue what kind of night I had last night? Keeping Aaron here was like containing a forest fire…." JJ finally blinked against the light in the hall and reached out to pet Peaches. "What's for breakfast?"

"Get up, and you'll find out," Derek encouraged, walking out and leaving the cat behind to work its magic.

* * *

He didn't think the day could get any worse, but then the family all went outside. It was hot outside again. So hot that any pictures that were taken had a kind of haze around them. Derek wasn't crazy about pictures, either. Matthew and Spencer were all about swimming in the lake. Nate and Cary were watching them. Dave and Carolyn sat nearby in wooden lawn chairs. Dave had the paper and Carolyn had the New York Times crossword. Dave was reading headlines, and Carolyn was asking whether anyone knew a word with three letters or five letters, or nine letters. Aaron still hadn't settled enough to detach himself from Emily. JJ and Penelope were talking at a picnic table. Derek couldn't take his eyes off the adults. Or the kids in the water.

"Spencer, honey! Help Grandma out! What's a crater creator? 10 letters!" she called. Derek knew that she was trying to keep him challenged. That was hard, considering he would probably pass Aaron and Matthew up in terms of grade level this fall.

"Hmmm!" Spencer thought loudly, while Matthew splashed him.

"Arctangent," Penelope called from the table nearby.

"Hey! No fair! Grandma gave _me_ that clue, not you!" Spencer shouted, indignant.

"That's okay. Thank you, Penelope! That fits perfectly!" Carolyn called happily. "David, look. I've filled in about half of the words already. Maybe I'll finish one of these yet."

"No problem. Hey, Spencer! What's the capital of Minnesota?" Penelope challenged.

From the water, Spencer narrowed his eyes. At least, Derek noted, he didn't seem bothered by the bright orange lifejacket he had on. "Don't insult me," he said bitterly. "It's St. Paul. Everyone knows that."

"What's the capital of _Lebanon_?" Emily challenged. "Just Spencer this time."

"I know it," Derek heard JJ whisper. "Mom told me about when she used to live in Lebanon when she was a kid for her mom's job."

"Hush. It's the kid's turn. I don't wanna deal with his screaming if he doesn't get to answer it," Derek insisted.

"Fine. Whatever," JJ answered and got up from the table.

"Why do you have to be so snippy?" Penelope asked mildly. "I get that you're having a hard time. I'm not saying don't do that. I'm saying talk to somebody about it. Call Anna. Talk to me. Talk to Emily."

"What do you care?" Derek asked darkly.

"I _care_ because you're hurting the people around you. And I can't stand by and watch that." Penelope said evenly. "She's your sister, Derek. I'd kill for what you've got."

"She's just too sensitive. She'll get over it." Derek shrugged.

"The capital of Lebanon is Beirut," Spencer said, oblivious to what was happening on the shore, behind the adults. "It's also their largest city," he added smugly.

"Yeah, she will. But _you're not_. You're not going to get over whatever's bugging you unless you let someone in. You'll keep lashing out at the people who love you. Take it from someone who's been there and done that. It's not worth it to alienate us. You're in, Derek. You've got a family. They can't give you up and they wouldn't if they could. That's such an awesome gift. Why can't you stop being so stubborn and just see what's in front of you?"

"Hey, what's this talk?" Dave asked, and Derek startled at the unexpected closeness of his voice. He watched carefully as he put his hands on Penelope's shoulders and dropped a kiss onto the crown of her head. "Just because Emily couldn't adopt you in time doesn't mean you're not one of us, kiddo," he told her gently. "Carolyn and I never adopted Emily, but she's just as much our daughter as our son was. We pray for her and all of you kids, just like we prayed for our James."

Derek blinked. It made him think back to the poem he'd written for Emily. A kind of poem anyway. He hadn't been very creative at all, but she had hung it up anyway. His childish words about what really made a family. He closed his eyes, wishing he could let his guard down the way Penelope did. Wishing he could let someone come close enough to help the way she did. Penelope lost both her parents, just like Derek. She knew pain, and she used to try to drown it in booze to cope, but now she was like a different person. He wanted to be like her, he just couldn't bring himself to open up like that. Not when it could mean so much terrible stuff could come down on him if he did.

"Thank you, Dave," Penelope said shyly. "It's just hard being here, you know?"

Derek felt like an eavesdropper, listening in, but he didn't feel like going after JJ, and there was no way in hell he was going to swim with the kids.

"How do you mean?" Dave asked, and Derek noticed Dave looking at both of them.

"I mean, this is great. But for me it's only temporary. When I go home, I'm still going to be Penelope Garcia, and I _love that_. Don't get me wrong. I want to keep my parents' name. Sometimes I just wish I hadn't screwed things up so badly when I had the chance to be accepted. I still hate the fact that I wrecked so much of Emily's art. I mean, she can't get that back."

"No, she can't," Dave agreed. "But she's made other art that she never would have even imagined if you hadn't come into her life."

Penelope sniffed. Derek could see her glasses getting foggy, and now, he prepared to go somewhere else. He couldn't handle when she cried. By his way of thinking, they couldn't both be sad. There had to be someone there to balance the other one out. This way, they would both sink.

"This is all going to end in less than a week. This feeling… This awesome feeling that I'm a part of all of you… When I'm not with you guys, I just feel so anchorless…"

Derek moved. He couldn't watch Dave put his arm around Penelope. Not when it was what he needed so badly it hurt. Not when it was something he could never ask for, and never accept.

He sat down on the front steps of the cabin. He could see JJ, sitting between two of the cars. She was pretty well hidden, but from Derek's point of view he could see her perfectly. She sat with her knees drawn up and her arms wrapped around them. She didn't even seem to realize she was crying.

This totally sucked. Derek wondered why they couldn't have gone to Dave and Carolyn's beach house in North Carolina instead of this place. What could be wrong with the beach and the ocean? It wouldn't have been like here, everyone's shit seemed to be triggered all at once. It would have been nice. But instead, here they all were, trying to cope. He thought of asking Emily for her phone. He thought of calling Anna and talking to her about what was bothering him, but he couldn't even think about it without feeling like he was about to throw up.

One thing was for sure, Derek was staying as far away from that damn lake as he could possibly be.

There was no way in hell he was swimming.

**A/N: Sorry again for the long wait! I hope you all are enjoying the story. Feel free, as always to let me know what you think! Reading your thoughts is so inspiring!**


	7. Crave

Derek was so far in his head he almost missed Spencer announcing loudly that he "needed a root beer float." Honestly, Derek wouldn't have noticed a thing, except that all three of the little kids came stampeding toward where he sat on the steps. Penelope wasn't far behind them. Derek didn't bother moving. He was here first, so why should he?

"Derek! Do _you _want a root beer float?" Spencer asked loudly. "I think you should have one because all of us are."

"Nah, count me out," he insisted.

He sat outside, keeping JJ in his line of sight. So far, she hadn't moved either, and no one remembered she was missing yet. Even though he was mad at her, it was in Derek's nature to keep an eye on people. Still, her presence complicated things. If he wanted to talk to anybody - like, say, Anna - he sure as hell couldn't do it with JJ hanging out a few feet away. What he had to say was private, and there was nowhere on this huge-ass property that Derek would feel totally safe from prying ears.

Even if he locked himself in his mom's car and called, people outside could still hear, especially if JJ insisted on staying where she was. He put his head in his hands, trying to think. Willing himself to calm down.

Then, the screen door behind him was pushed open.

"Sure you don't want to come in for some ice cream?" Cary asked, sitting beside Derek on the step. It was real wide, but Cary's proximity still made him nervous as hell. Frankly, _anyone's _proximity would make him feel that way - it just added to it that Cary was a dude.

"Yeah…I'm sure," Derek managed, trying not to hold his breath, or lean away. He didn't want to be rude. But he wasn't crazy about being close to anyone. And if Cary even so much as bumped him accidentally, Derek felt sure it would set him off.

"Everything okay?" Cary asked.

"It's fine, yeah," Derek confirmed, even though nothing could be further from the truth. He was about to lose his shit, and everybody was acting like it was normal. The only person who cared was someone Derek couldn't handle being around, but he wasn't about to say that.

In the end, as hard as Derek tried, he ended up standing up, and shoving his way into the cabin. "Can I make a phone call?" he asked Emily quietly, glad they had come up with a good system for whenever he needed to call Anna. He couldn't very well say he needed to call his trauma therapist.

"Can _I _make a phone call?" Spencer asked, slurping his root beer float.

"Derek asked first, honey," Emily said easily, handing over her phone and nodding her understanding.

He ducked away, but not before he heard the weird fight that started between Aaron and Spencer about who they would each call if they were fifteen, and whether or not and who would have first dibs. Spencer claimed he would, because he had asked first, while Aaron insisted he would call first, because he was older.

Derek closed himself up in one of the bedrooms and kept his attention on the wall while he dialed.

"_You've reached the office of Anna Peterson. Please leave your name and a phone number where I can reach you and I'll return your call promptly._"

"Hey, Anna. It's Derek…Prentiss. You can call my mom's phone if you want to get a hold of me. Thanks," he said. He shook his head, unable to believe that he still couldn't bring himself to leave personal information on calls, especially if it wasn't his own. Emily knew that sometimes he left messages for Anna. And Anna already had Emily's number because of counseling when Derek was younger.

And he definitely wasn't about to share his personal crap with her voice mail. If she called back, then maybe. Until then, though, what would he do?

* * *

JJ was far into the woods that scared the shit out of her by now. She'd had enough of sitting between the cars and hoping no one saw her cry. The way JJ figured it, it was better to be distracted by her own fear, than it was to do stupid stuff, or get all emotional. In here, all her senses were heightened, and she didn't have time to be scared. In a way, it gave her the same kind of payoff stealing used to. It didn't make people notice her, but it did make her feel alive. It made her adrenaline go like crazy.

While JJ walked, she found herself thinking anyway, of old camping trips with her family. Of walking in the woods with Janet, when Janet was in sixth grade and JJ was in kindergarten. They must not have been very dense, if their parents allowed both of them to go exploring by themselves, and JJ always felt scared, but Janet always promised to protect her. From bears. From thunderstorms. From everything. And now she was alone, and all she wanted was her big sister. Penelope was great. She was even the same age as Janet, but she wasn't the same thing as Janet. JJ hadn't grown up with Penelope the way she had with Janet.

"JJ!" she heard Dave's voice somewhere behind her - proof that she hadn't wandered as far away as she hoped - "Come on in, kiddo!"

Weird. It was like he _knew_ she was fine, and didn't even worry about her. It didn't piss her off like her dad used to when he stopped caring about everything. With Dave, it kind of felt like freedom.

She turned around, and found her way easily to where he stood, outside, waiting for her.

"So, what's the big emergency?" she asked moodily.

"Do I need a reason to want to hang out with my favorite fourteen year old?" he asked, putting an arm around her shoulders.

"Gross," she complained, but she didn't shrug away from his touch.

"So, what do you say? You want to do some fishing?" he asked, like they'd been in the middle of a conversation the whole time.

"I don't have any stuff…"

"Don't worry. I have extra," Dave said easily.

"Don't you wanna, I don't know, take one of the boys?" JJ asked, biting her lip.

Dave smiled easily. "I want to take you. That okay?"

"I guess," she admitted.

JJ wasn't sure if she would even like fishing, but it turned out to be perfect for people who liked quiet and didn't like to be bothered - like her and Dave. They just sat on the end of the dock and watched the water in silence for a long time. When she felt a tug on her line, JJ jerked her pole firmly and began to reel. Dave looked on, and seemed impressed when the big fish flopped onto the dock.

"That right there is the start of a beautiful meal," he complimented.

JJ wrinkled her nose. "I don't want to touch it."

"No problem," he said easily, removing the hook and setting the fish in a big pail of water.

They fished for a long time - long enough for JJ to temporarily forget her loneliness and kind of enjoy the solitude of a dock and a lake and just being thought of, instead of overlooked.

"Sometimes getting out in nature's tough…" Dave mused, in that way he had of making her think they'd been talking forever. "Brings up things we'd rather keep hidden."

JJ hunched her shoulders. She wondered what it could bring up for Dave, who seemed to live out here most summers. If he was out here, he must like it. But then she thought, maybe that's why he invited so many people. Maybe Dave didn't like the quiet either. Maybe he just wanted someone to notice him. Maybe it didn't matter how old you got…the feelings…those probably remained exactly the same.

She reached out her free hand and slid it into Dave's own, hoping he wouldn't say anything totally embarrassing and ruin the coolness of the moment.

But he just sat there, the same as ever. Then, he squeezed her hand.

* * *

"Everything okay, hon'?" Carolyn asked when Emily, Cary and Nate had taken Aaron, Spencer and Matthew out on the three paddle boats. David had taken JJ fishing. So, now it was just herself and Derek.

He sighed. He'd been looking over his shoulder every few minutes, and it was more than a little disconcerting.

"Not really," he answered softly, surprising her. Carolyn assumed she might get some snippy response, or maybe, none at all. But perhaps since they were both here together, without other people or interruptions, Derek felt like he could be honest.

"I'm sorry. Is there something I can do to help?" she asked, keeping herself busy washing the root beer float dishes.

"Not really," he repeated.

"Well, if something comes to you, you can always come to me. No matter the time. Even if it's after we're all home, you just walk yourself across the street, or call me up and say, 'Grandma, I need you.'"

"Grandma?" Derek asked, sounding confused.

"Or Carolyn, if you prefer."

"Nah, it's cool. I like Grandma," Derek admitted, a smile in his voice. "And I _do _need you. I just don't know how you can help. I don't know how anybody can."

Carolyn wished she could just hug Derek the way she did all the other grandkids. Her arms ached for it, but she could wait, if it meant he'd be more comfortable in the long run. "Well, there's always hope. And I'll always be here," she promised,


	8. Shift

The next day, it wasn't any better. Anna still hadn't called back and Derek still needed someone to get him out of the awful headspace he was in. But no one could do that. At least not yet, and it was habit and a little bit of fear that made him decide to wait twenty-four hours before trying Anna again. The last thing he wanted to do was burn the only bridge back to firm ground that he had.

It was raining on and off and the kids were stir-crazy. When Emily suggested family movie afternoon, Derek was on alert. They only used to ever have family movie night on Fridays. Today wasn't, and it was too early. He swallowed as Spencer, Aaron, Matthew, JJ, Penelope and even the grown people like Dave, Carolyn, Nathaniel and Cary agreed. They picked a movie from ten years before Derek was even born, that probably had totally lame special effects. While they waited for Dave to press all the right buttons on the remote, Derek held his breath.

He watched movies before in a cabin, and they weren't PG rated. Sometimes they started out good, and then they got nasty all of a sudden. Sometimes, they were gross from the start. Derek remembered being half-conscious for those, alone, with no one to help him. When his body reacted, he felt like a traitor. But the family friend liked it.

Derek blinked and realized he had been too slow to claim one of the chairs. The only place left was between Cary and the armrest of the couch. Derek took a deep breath, going somewhere else in his head, and walked over to sit down. The movie started, and Derek half-watched, keeping his attention on Cary, who sat at ease, and laughed in all the right places.

"I love _Honey, I Shrunk the Kids_," Cary said. "I watched it all the time as a kid."

"You're so much less cool to me now," JJ remarked. "This movie totally sucks."

"No, it doesn't," Spencer said, excited. "That little boy is gifted like I am. I bet he would be my friend. I'd like to talk to him sometime."

"Well, that'll be kinda hard since it's been a million years since this movie was made. That kid's an adult by now. Plus, he's a fictional character," Aaron pointed out.

"No! He's an actual child, see? Right there," Spencer pointed.

"Let's just watch the movie and find out what happens," Emily said quietly.

"He _shrinks_ the kids…obviously…it's in the title…" JJ muttered.

"You wreck every movie!" Spencer exclaimed irritably, sliding away from Penelope, who sat with Matthew in her lap.

Derek got up, too, feeling his own skin crawl. He walked through the kitchen and spotted Emily's cell phone on the counter. He picked it up and brought it with him, closing himself in the bathroom. With everyone occupied in the other room, he could risk calling Anna and not being overheard. The twenty-four hour rule would have to be bent for this one. It was taking all of Derek's mental focus to not completely surrender to the crazy mindset, where he was up for anything, and crossing lines left and right.

He couldn't risk it. So, he called Anna. The line rang. And rang. And rang. And then there was the message:

"_You've reached the office of Anna Peterson. Please leave your name and a phone number where I can reach you and I'll return your call promptly._"

Suddenly he remembered the last time he'd spoken with Anna. She'd told him she'd be taking a vacation over the Fourth of July and would be back. Had she said when? A week? Two? Derek felt his insides sinking. He closed his eyes. He couldn't do this alone, but he couldn't go back out there, not to sit on a couch next to a dude in a cabin and pretend everything was normal when it wasn't. So, he sat there, and took deep breaths. He thought about what Anna might say if she were there.

She would ask him to describe things to her. His surroundings. Where was he? But that was no good, because he was in a cabin, where he feared most to be. She might suggest thinking of someone he trusted who he could open up a little to. There was Nathaniel, but they never discussed each other's crap. Not once. They knew it existed. But you didn't bring that kind of thing up, and Nate would never ask about Derek's own stuff. Derek didn't want to think of a good guy like Nathaniel getting treated like Derek had been. They gave each other space, and barely spoke a word to each other. No, Nate wasn't a good option.

No one was a good option. Definitely not Emily. He couldn't tell his mom this stuff. It was private. He never even told her what landed him in her house in the first place, though he was sure it was there in his files somewhere.

So, he sat there, feeling his body hum with an expectant energy. He was tense now, but he knew he could relax at any given moment. Blood rushed in his ears, and words echoed in his mind. Never his own name. Memories of hands came strong and fast. They were rough and invading even if they didn't cross any lines at all. But of course they crossed lines.

He tried to take deep breaths. To press his back into the door behind him. But it didn't do any good at all when he could hear laughter from the living room. He was in a cabin. With people. And a movie. And there were no lines. Panic clawed up the inside of his chest, making his heart race. If there were no damn lines what was Derek supposed to do? He couldn't say no. He couldn't fight. This was a cabin. Just like before, with the damn family friend and his damn twisted ideas…except they hadn't seemed twisted at first.

Maybe, Derek was just making a big deal out of nothing. He thought about going back. Sitting next to Cary on the couch. Just waiting, and seeing what happened next. It was what he was used to after all. But the thought alone made Derek's insides clench and his stomach seize dangerously. He couldn't be sick because then they would hear. They would come. And then what would happen? He felt so down. So lost. So dirty. So wrong. So worthless. So alone. This was so bad. He swallowed the emotions back. He couldn't deal with them and his body, too.

Derek shook his head, knowing he was in trouble, and feeling too deep in it to call for any kind of help. He couldn't stand being alone, but he was terrified of going back out there. His only option wasn't an option. Before he even knew it was happening, he felt himself going somewhere else entirely. Detaching from himself so he wouldn't have to deal with the awful memories in his body. It was better this way, with a little bit of distance. The climbing panic in his chest was distant and not that big of a deal now. His depression that sucked everything good away from him seemed suddenly manageable. He didn't feel pain. He didn't feel anything.

Derek stood up.

He knew what he had to do.

* * *

Spencer's favorite place at the whole cabin was outside in the woods. He was allowed to explore them if he followed the three rules. Dress appropriately for the weather, stay within sight of the cabin at all times and come in when he was called. Spencer was very good about following rules. He was also very good at exploring his surroundings. This was the first time he had been in the woods when it was raining. Things looked different now. Not just wet, but new somehow, like Spencer had never seen them before.

The rain was nice and not too heavy. A gentle summer rain. Yes, it was steady, but Spencer didn't mind it. He had on his raincoat and his rain boots over his brown tee shirt and camouflage pants. Aaron liked to wear things like that, and Spencer had recently realized their usefulness when wanting to blend in, to better explore nature. The yellow jacket defeated that purpose, but Spencer was willing to make sacrifices if it meant he could have discovery time.

The ground was soft and exceedingly brown. It smelled rich and comforting. There was no lightning or thunder, just rain, falling in a refreshingly predictable pattern. Spencer wiped his glasses off so he could see and stepped very carefully. The dirt smelled strong, like worms, and he didn't want to step on any. That wouldn't be very nice, because worms were helpful creatures. Sometimes, Spencer thought that he might like one for a pet, but Mom always said no. Worms belonged outside. That's part of the reason why Spencer enjoyed it out here so much. The worms could not come to him, but he could come to them.

He closed his eyes and thought of the movie he had started watching. Imagined shrinking to an impossibly small size. It made him feel great, actually. It made him feel big and powerful at his normal size. He didn't have to worry about any of the things the kids on the movie would have to. Blades of grass weren't a jungle. Raindrops weren't a flood. He was a normal human, playing outside in a normal world. The chances of anyone making a machine to shrink people the same way it shrank furniture and fruit were highly unlikely, so Spencer didn't have to worry about it.

He studied a yellow dandelion, sniffing it carefully, and remembering what Dave told him about not touching strange plants that he did not recognize. It happened that Spencer was unfamiliar with most things outdoors, so he avoided a lot of them out of habit. But he could still walk around, keeping the cabin in sight. It was peaceful in the rain. Spencer wondered if he might even see a rainbow. That would make his day. Rainbows were so beautiful. Lots of time passed, but that was okay. Spencer loved nature so much.

He walked a little more, listening for birds. Carolyn was teaching him how to identify birdcalls. He already knew the crow and the chickadee very well, and he couldn't wait to hear them on his discovery time so that he could tell Carolyn all about them.

Suddenly, Spencer stopped, standing very still. He heard a sound that made him feel very hot and then very cold. It was sirens. Sirens like Anderson. Sirens like the government coming back for him. Spencer didn't think. He just threw off his raincoat because yellow meant slow down and he couldn't afford to do that. Very fast, like an old movie, Spencer saw pictures in his mind of the first time Emily took him outside with Aaron. He remembered Aaron's bright orange jacket, that Spencer knew had attracted the attention of the birds, which were flying in a V-for-victory formation, because they worked for the government, too, probably. The feeling in his body now was the exact same as it was then. He forgot everything he ever learned about schizophrenia and how his mother, the literature professor's worries weren't based in real things. Right now, this felt very real, and Spencer was alone and vulnerable. He did not want to be taken away from his family. The adoption was supposed to be forever. He choked back a sob, rooted to the spot for a moment.

Then, he heard his mother, the literature professor's voice in his head. He remembered that day Anderson came when he was four. He had been hiding in his room, when his mother started screaming:

"_Run, Spencer! Run!"_

And Spencer had tried, but they had caught him anyway. This time, he vowed, his heart pounding in his throat, he would not get caught again. This time, he would do what he was told.

He ran as fast and as hard as he could, into the trees and away from the cabin. Away from the sirens that were getting louder behind him.

Away from everything.


End file.
